This is the moment that I’ve been dreading for a really long time.
In my mind, it is the point of no return. I’m either going to go all the way in or accept an early defeat. As tempting as it is to want to forfeit, I simply can’t.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m too stuck on the images in my head, obstinately charging ahead with overambitious plans and no safety net.
Or… perhaps this is the exact type of attitude that will carry me through. Perhaps my goals aren’t unrealistic and far fetched at all.
For years, I never knew what I wanted my weight loss to look like. Aside from vaguely saying something about wanting to be a size this or that, I couldn’t conjure up a good mental picture of what I was shooting for. Of course, with a flimsy goal like that, I struggled to lose much weight at all!
This time around, I have done a significantly better job when it comes to knowing exactly what kind of body I want. Because I can clearly imagine what I’m working towards, I am able to fine tune my diet and workouts to ensure that I am actually staying on track.
My primary goal is to get down to 10% to 18% body fat.
Now, I’ll be perfectly honest with you guys. I probably don’t have a complete understanding of what I will specifically need to do in order to achieve such a low fat percentage, but I’m beyond willing to learn. So, if I have any serious gym rats and fitness/nutrition gurus out there, I fully expect you guys to start chiming in with your advice because I’m totally going to need all the help I can get! ☺️
Even though my knowledge of how to reach this particular goal is a bit scarce at the moment, I did have enough sense to deduce that it was time for me to get strict about my diet. I have been WAY too lenient about what goes into my body to expect to reach such a low body fat percentage anytime this century.
Sure, I was still toning up and losing weight, but at what expense exactly?
I’d hate to see how much better a position I’d be in today if I had made certain diet sacrifices right from the start of this journey, but there’s no use crying over spilled milk. After all, the last two months haven’t been for nothing. I like to think of the past few weeks as my training phase. They were a sort of last hurrah for me to eat many of the questionable foods that stood between me and my body goals.
It’s so frustrating because I’ve had such an emotional attachment to various foods for so long now. Even though I have already stopped eating many foods that used to be common staples of my diet, I still feel a twinge of anxiety whenever I think about no longer consuming things such as bread or pasta… it’s almost humiliating to admit it. But it is what it is.
At this stage, I’m okay with feeling concerned and I’m cool with feeling embarrassed. Yes, they’re emotions and they make me feel like a horrible failure at times, but at the end of the day, they aren’t real. Feelings aren’t tangible, so what business do I have clinging onto destructive behavior and unhealthy food over something I can’t even see? What sense does it make to destroy my health, self-confidence, and peace of mind over something I merely perceive to be real and powerful?
I’m sorry, but I no longer have time for ANY of that nonsense.
After spending years yoyo dieting, I simply must step off of this mad merry-go-round. I’ve (unsuccessfully) tried every kind of diet and gimmick under the blazing sun, so it has clicked that in order for me to start seeing some hardcore results, I am going to have to buckle down and commit to a hardcore diet. And by “diet”, I don’t mean some 90-day eating plan that I’ve read in a book, but won’t continue past the first month. No.
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, this whole weight loss thing has felt so artificial to me lately. I haven’t felt as though watching my diet and working out regularly was a natural part of my day to day life. Over the last week or so, I’ve spent a lot of time considering why this might be, and I determined that it didn’t feel natural because I still wasn’t eating properly based on my own dietary needs and fitness goals. I willfully admit that I was continually cutting corners and making allowances (however small they were) for foods that have outlived their usefulness.
I think it’s always been really hard for me to lose weight due to how much conflicting information exists about weight loss, nutrition, dieting, etc. Of course, there will always be certain aspects of nutrition and weight loss that everyone pretty much agrees on (ie how calories work). But outside of that, there is such a grey area.
Some people say this diet works, other people say that diet works. Eat meat, don’t eat meat. Consume dairy, shun dairy. Carbs are good, wait! Carbs are bad. Keto is best. No, Atkins is best. Drink more tea… just kidding, because today, “tea causes cancer”.
It’s all too much.
It’s been too much and it’s still too much.
The Bottom Line: I need to do what I used to do when I was thin and simply eat what my body tells me to eat– and nothing else.
Please let me make it really clear to you guys that I have no qualms with anyone who adheres to any of the dietary preferences above. If you love your pizza, great. If you feel that meat is murder, more power to you. I have nothing against anyone’s eating preferences.
My point is simply that we sometimes need to consult with “self” before anyone else when it comes down to matters of health. Everyone is different. Our genes are different, our dietary needs are different… this is why there are so many schools of thought regarding diet and exercise. If we were all truly the same, we could all eat the same exact way, do the same things, and end up with the same exact physiques, but that isn’t how it works is it?
At this stage of my life, I truly believe that I know what is going to finally work. I’ve actually known it for a very long time, but I simply wasn’t ready to come to terms with it. Indeed, part of this reluctance was due to the fact that I was constantly listening to all of these different “experts”, but there was much more to it than this.
A lot of my issue was that I didn’t want to be as extreme as I knew I’d have to be. I didn’t wish to feel limited or constrained by my diet due to past issues in my personal life that actually had nothing to do with food at all. At the same time, I knew the changes I’d need to make would require a lot more effort and attentiveness than I believed I could put forth– also for reasons that had nothing to do with food.
This is the point where further discussion of this topic would suck us down the rabbit hole, and away we’d go. I’ll spare you guys from that particular fate for now, but it is something that I plan to go into more detail about in my book because I know it could help free a lot of people from the grip of food and obesity.
Sometimes our difficulty in losing weight has very little to do with food and exercise itself. My hope in writing the book is to share what my real weight problem actually was, so others can start to think about what is truly holding them back. That’s the point of this blog as well. I genuinely wish to help people break free from whatever is failing to serve them well in life. I don’t care if it’s an unhealthy attitude towards food, or something completely unrelated to weight loss.
In this day and age, it’s really important that we protect ourselves from negativity and behaviors that damage us physically, mentally, and emotionally. We need to be especially mindful of the things we participate in, as well as the manner in which we care for ourselves. I am finally at a place in my life where I can truly understand the impact that these factors can have on our mindset, health, and overall wellbeing. We really can’t afford to take shortcuts or sell ourselves short in these areas, so I really want to encourage you guys to keep this in mind as I continue to share my journey.
Before I wrap up today’s post, I just want to say yes, I am cutting out a lot of things from my diet (we will discuss this in detail within the next few posts). Although I want to say that these omissions will be “permanent”, I will refrain from doing so because I know that what I’m getting ready to do won’t always be easy for me– at all. It is possible that I will make a lot of mistakes and may even have to start over from scratch a few times, but I’m okay with this as long as I keep trying.
As for why I am suddenly eliminating 90% of the foods from my former diet, the answer is simple: I’m doing it for all of the people who think they can’t do the same.
When it comes to weight loss, I’ve gone through so much just to get to a point where I feel halfway capable of reaching my goals. But in all of the years that I tried to deal with my weight issues, I never really came across anyone who had a similar background, but bounced back, you know?
This is definitely not to say that no one was out there, I just never could find them. The people I ended up looking to for fitness inspiration often had little to no experience ever being overweight in the first place, so it was always hard to imagine that I could personally achieve the things they had.
In the end, I decided to become my own source of inspiration.
From the very beginning of this blog, I wanted to encourage anyone who had doubts about their own ability to completely change their life (in any area). With hard work and continued determination, I will be able to finally achieve the body of my dreams to serve as proof that no matter what your personal situation is, dreams can become real things.
Today is Day 66.
🐛 Once you know better, do better. 🦋
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