Barely There, Don’t Care

Before I jump into anything else, I’m so sorry for missing my last two posts!

But you know how you wake up one day and you have all of these wonderful plans, only to end the day wondering, “What the heck just happened?” Well, that is exactly how my weekend went.

One minute, I was trying to binge watch Homecoming (the Julia Roberts show on Amazon, not the Beyonce doc… although I do have to watch that still), and the next minute everything went haywire. *Sigh*

Never mind all of that though! I’m back and everything is all sorted, so there shouldn’t be anymore interruptions to our normal programming. 🙂

Let’s see, what kind of weight loss recap do I have from the weekend… Not much, honestly.

On Saturday, I didn’t eat until around 10:30 pm. I had 500 calories.

On Sunday, I didn’t eat until 8:00 pm. I had 652 calories.

I haven’t formally worked out since Friday, but in a roundabout way, I still got the best workout ever yesterday. I spent well over an hour hauling boxes, televisions, lamps, and every other kind of item you can think of down two flights of stairs.

Up and down.

Up and down.

All of a sudden it became Windex clear to me why people with ranch style homes are winning at life.

After numerous moments of fear that I was about to accidentally tumble down the stairs, I decided that I never wanted to see another cardboard box for as long as I live. Unfortunately, I’m sure this isn’t a wish that will be granted.

It’s really a shame because I had taken a shower right before unexpectedly embarking on this little “project”, so I went into it smelling like a spring tulip kissed with morning dew (lol). Not two hours later, you would have assumed I didn’t even know where to locate a shower!

You see, it was so hot yesterday. 🥵 Even with the AC roaring, I couldn’t feel cool air. Heck, I couldn’t even feel warm air. Everything was just hot.

After the fourth or fifth roundtrip up the stairs, I was drenched with sweat. Just drenched. And you know how I feel about being sweaty or dirty. 🤢 I couldn’t wait to take another shower and get into some dry clothes again!

Even though I couldn’t stand how gross I felt afterward, what an amazing workout it was! I sort of want to buy a container with handles, fill it up with random junk, and start hauling it up and down my staircase as a workout routine.

Forget tight muscles, whole life is sore today. 😂

I was supposed to do something different with my diet this week, but due to the weekend’s unforeseen events, I didn’t get to figure out what to try next. There is something in particular that has been popping up everywhere I look, but I have been extremely reluctant to try it out. Perhaps I can talk about that later this week. For now, I think I’m going to continue to wing my diet, like last week.

After all, last week went pretty well. I can’t remember a single thing that I ate though. This is most likely due to the fact that I haven’t eaten very much over the last week. In fact, the most I can remember about food from the last week is food I didn’t even eat in real life.

For instance, I had a dream the night before last. Allegedly, I was on vacation, staying at this hotel. However, I was constantly bored, so I kept leaving to wander around the non-touristy part of town (I have no idea where I was supposed to be). Eventually, I started hanging out at this outdoor shopping center. There was a Target, all of these little boutique stores, a gas station, a Starbucks, a Panda Express, etc.

At first, I tried going to Starbucks to get a coffee, but they were closed. In fact, all of the eating establishments I visited were closed because it was super early in the morning (think 3 AM). I ended up having to go to the gas station because it was the only place open with actual food. So I go in there, and I start picking out all of this stuff– chips, candy bars, soda, beer, Redbull, white cheddar popcorn, beef jerky. I even picked up gum.

LOL, you guys… I went back and forth to the counter adding stuff for the clerk to ring up until there was this HUGE mound of snacks. I was even picking up stuff I don’t like. The line of people waiting to pay for their gas was all the way out the door because I kept getting out of line to grab more stuff. 😂

When I finally put everything on the counter, my total came to $320.20!! 🤯

I woke up laughing hysterically because A.) I would never spend that much on junk food from a gas station and B.) Why was I acting as though I was starved and couldn’t wait a few more hours to get real food? What kind of janky resort was I staying at to where there wasn’t room service or some kind of vending machine?

Could it be that I’m no longer hungry during the day due to compulsively junk food shopping in my dreams? Perhaps… perhaps….

For the most part, I believe that I’ve paid far less attention to food or being hungry due to having so much going on in my mind. Things in my personal life have been much more hectic and demanding of my time over the last few weeks, leaving me with WAY less energy to sit around worrying about having to watch my diet.

Even though I am no longer officially fasting during the week, I have unintentionally continued to have one meal a day. 50% of this is due to not feeling all that hungry anymore, but another 50% of this is due to me blatantly ignoring whatever initial hunger pangs I do experience.

Off and on throughout the day my stomach will begin to misbehave and demand food, all to no avail. Once I am in the middle of doing something, I simply can’t be bothered to get up. And even when not otherwise occupied, I am sometimes too lazy to search for something healthy to eat, so my hunger gets ignored altogether.

Anyhow, I must say that I don’t particularly mind my lack of appetite. There have been countless days and nights when all I could muster the strength to do was think about how “hungry” I was. Who knows if I was genuinely hungry all the times I claimed to be… probably not.

These days, I’m just grateful to not feel overburdened by the “assumption” that I’m hungry. I no longer feel compelled to eat more than I should, which makes life much, much easier.

Today I ate more than I did over the weekend, and it seemed as though I had eaten quite a lot. However, when I scribbled the calories down on a stickie note, I saw that I barely hit 1000 calories. This is 300 calories less than I was shooting for each day when I first started this blog, and yet, I felt as though 1,300 calories wasn’t enough.

Hmm… perhaps back then that wasn’t enough calories. However, I have been really consistent when it comes to portion control and keeping tabs on the calories I’m eating (even when I don’t have to specifically stick to a certain number).

Could it be that I’ve finally retrained my body to get used to eating less on a regular basis? Will this lack of appetite last or is it just a passing phase?

Only time will tell!

But for now, my appetite is barely there, and I truly don’t care.

Today was Day 36.

⭐️ Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. 🌈


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