If only I had listened to my intuition.
My day might have gone a bit better if I had.
For awhile now, I’ve been feeling as though I needed a concrete means of tracking and reporting my progress. After all, what weight loss blog is absent of actual numbers?
I’ve been planning on using a body measuring tape to keep tabs on my progress so far, but it seems as though I could use someone to actually help me with it.
Every time I’ve tried to use the measuring tape in the past, it would keep slipping down before I could get an accurate measurement. Since I didn’t have anyone to help me this morning, I made the decision to step back on the scale.
I wish with everything in me that I hadn’t.
Looking down and realizing that I’ve only lost a single pound in the last month knocked the air right out of me. Based on the caloric deficit I have maintained over the past month alone (forget about working out too), I expected to have lost at least five pounds, so seeing that nothing had changed was devastating.
It’s unfortunate because right before that, I had looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. The contours of my body seemed quite different; I had stepped on the scale convinced that all of my hard work had been paying off.
By the time I got off the scale and had changed into my workout leggings and crop top, I was in tears. It probably took me a good ten minutes to get myself together enough to start my workout, but now all of it felt futile.
The hard work.
All of it.
Today’s Workout: 35 minutes. Abs. Body weight only.
This was my hardest workout yet. And yes, it was nothing but abdominal exercises, which I can’t stand anyway. However, nothing could have made it more difficult for me than the event I’ve gone through over and over and over again: the scale saying nothing has changed.
I can’t tell you how many times during that workout I wanted to just throw in the towel and say, “Forget it”.
It is solely by the grace of God that I kept going because my mind and heart was no longer in it. Thoughts of never being able to reach my goals consumed me.
It is unspeakably hard to push yourself through something you already despise–especially after learning that your continued efforts will probably be in vain anyway.
In all of my years of trying to lose weight, this was by far the most heartbreaking day because I know just how hard I’ve worked. I don’t understand what happened.
Despite my recently missed workouts, I know I should have been able to step off of the scale feeling proud of my accomplishments, but for some reason, I wasn’t able to. As much as I kept trying to tell myself that I’m doing really well and not give up, the tears continued to flow.
On one hand, no, I didn’t gain weight. Yet, on the other hand, I apparently didn’t lose any either.
Could I have gained muscle? Maybe. Five pounds of muscle? I somehow doubt that, but maybe so… I don’t know how much muscle I could have expected to gain over the last few weeks.
All I’ve been able to focus on today is the fact that the same things seem to keep happening over and over again. The harder I try, the worse everything gets. How can I weigh more now than a few months ago, when I was eating everything in sight and sitting on my butt all day? How does any of this make sense?
What can I say? I’m just speechless.
Disappointed, discouraged, and speechless.
Today was Day 22.
We all fall down, but the best get up. ❤️
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