Betwixt a Rock and a Hard Place

It has been quite awhile since I last found myself in this position, but now that I’m here again, I’m left wondering what I should do.

As the cool, leftover days from a passing winter give way to warmer temperatures, I am finding it harder and harder to breathe. When the day is clear and pleasant, there isn’t an issue, but as the sun returns to scorch the earth, trouble flares up once more.

Asthma.

I first found out I had asthma in college, at which time I failed to take it seriously. For the most part, it seemed fairly benign, only pestering me when the SoCal air was dustier than normal or the temps stretched beyond eighty.

However, as time wore on, I came to find that my lungs were becoming impossibly sensitive to all sorts of things.

Hot. Cold. Dust. Fragrance. Stress. Exercise.

The attacks weren’t particularly frequent, but when they hit, they hit without mercy. Slowly, but surely, I began to learn to take my curious condition more seriously, taking care to be more conscious of the types of situations that could trigger an attack.

Today I had an asthma attack that came without notice. Not only did the aftermath completely wipe out my plans for the afternoon (including a proper cheat day and my planned workout), but it left me feeling jaded and conflicted as well.

Part of me was irritated for having not been better prepared to avoid the situation, while another part of me was worried over how these attacks may impact my weight loss journey as summer approaches.

Last summer was extremely rough for me. At the time, I had just purchased my rower, so I had intended to train with it all summer long. Unfortunately, there were two to three months that I wasn’t able to workout in any capacity due to how poorly my body was reacting to the (then) unfamiliar and intensely warm climate.

This past autumn and winter has spoiled me rotten; you could have convinced me that I had never had asthma at all. No form of exercise was off limits for me during the cooler months, which was such a blessed contrast from the great inconvenience I’d been dealing with previously. But over the last month or so, signs of trouble have arisen in the form of a high-pitched whistle.

Wheezing.

Asthma is one of the issues I am most afraid of when it comes to maintaining a regular exercise schedule. In addition to being downright scary, the attacks have a tendency to be hard for me to recover from. There have been times when I have had to postpone workouts for several weeks due to it being challenging to get things back under control.

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The most difficult thing about this entire ordeal is my inability to kind of “push through” and keep things going. However, this is exactly what I often try to do. When it comes to old sports injuries occasionally giving me trouble, I typically wrap it up and push through the pain. Headache? Same thing.

But when it comes to asthma, I don’t always do the smart thing and rest like I probably should. Unfortunately, my persistent avoidance of the reality of things often makes the situation far worse. This is how I got into the mess I found myself in today.

And while I should simply accept the fact that my body needs extra time to recuperate, it is genuinely hard for me to not feel guilty or upset over not being able to stick to my workout schedule.

Although it is not reasonable to assume that I’m going to instantly gain weight just from taking off an extra day or two, it does feel that way. I do harbor a genuine fear that any slight deviance from my routine will cause me to balloon by default.

Once again, it is like being caught between a rock and a hard place. If I don’t workout, I won’t lose weight. If I workout, I might trigger an attack and end up having to avoid strenuous activities for even longer. Both scenarios are wildly unpleasant, but still, I’m left not knowing quite what to do.

Despite spending the latter half of the day trying to convince myself that it is best for my health to not overexert myself on days such as this, I admittedly feel miserable.

Miserable and anxious.

I am seriously hoping that I feel better tomorrow so I can make up for missing today’s workout. I’m really sorry that today’s post isn’t more exciting or fun, but I’m still not feeling too well. It’s surely going to be an early night for me tonight.

Will you guys take an IOU? ❤️

Today was Day 12.

Going to bed before midnight on a Friday? I must be ill. 🤒😴

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