I Was Lied To.

I recently acquired some kiwis, and needless to say, I was quite excited to eat them. But before doing so, I was curious to find out more about the kiwi and its nutritional benefits. This being said, I took to Google.

Sometime during my very serious, uber academic kiwi research, I happened upon a website that seemed to be the authority on all things kiwi. It had pretty pictures and sounded pretty legit, so I automatically believed everything they said–including the part about being able to eat the skin.

“The skin contains fiber and other beneficial nutrients,” they said.

“The skin is edible and quite tasty,” they said.

THEY LIED.

Right before sitting down to post for the day I decided to finally eat the kiwis I’ve been saving. You see, I’m a bit short on calories at the moment, so fruit seemed like the perfect low calorie snack to grab. Besides this, they had been in there for a few days, so it was highly likely that they had achieved the optimal degree of ripeness.

Ever since reading the many articles that touted the health benefits of kiwi skin, I’ve been endlessly excited to take a stab at chewing the furry, largely unappealing skin of the kiwis I’ve been hoarding. So with my trusty paring knife in hand, I hurriedly lopped off both ends of each kiwi and sliced them into several bite-sized cubes.

Then, without any hesitation at all, I popped one of the little green and brown cubes into my mouth.

That kiwi skin was downright awful! ๐Ÿฅ=๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคฎ

I’m not sure if I had the wrong variety of kiwi, if I had two lemons, or what, but that skin was NOT palatable in any way, shape, or form. Not only did it feel as though I was gnawing on the side of a leather couch or licking the backside of a hairy yak, but it was disgustingly bitter. My tongue still stings. How dare the Internet lie to me!

See, I wouldn’t have been subjected to such treachery if I had simply eaten at home like I normally do. What does bitter kiwi skin have to do with where I ate today? Allow me to divulge those details…

Today I woke up and decided that I did not feel up to working out. It wasn’t even up for debate today: I was NOT going to work out… PERIODT. In addition to having a slew of different things to get done, I was really sore from my last two workouts. And unlike some people who are super into the gym and cannot bare to miss out on a single day, I am not about that life.

I know that I haven’t brought it up much, but I don’t particularly love working out. There have definitely been periods of my life when I’ve really enjoyed working out, but these days, it’s not always easy for me to get my head in the game the way I need to in order to be perfectly consistent.

To be honest, it’s not entirely about the act of working out itself. Fundamentally, I enjoy being challenged and I love how I feel afterwards. For me, it’s more of a mental/mood thing.

As anyone who has experience with depression or anxiety may know, some days you can fake your way through the day and some days you simply can’t. Today was a “can’t day” for me.

I woke up feeling slightly overwhelmed this morning with so many different things running through my mind. There’s a lot of change taking place in my life at the present time outside of trying to lose weight, which can be fun and exciting, but really stressful as well. And even though losing weight is my primary focus in life right now, there are several things that are also vying for that top spot.

If I can be perfectly frank, focusing on losing this weight takes a lot out of me. I spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying over if I’m doing this right, if it’s working, how I’m going to tell if it’s working, what I should eat, when I should eat, what workouts are going to be the most effective for the body type I desire, etc. etc. etc. It’s all I think about… pretty much 24/7.

The feeling that I woke up with is one of the major reasons why losing weight has been hard for me all of these years. I usually start off really well, but as I start to feel as though my efforts are going to end up being a waste of time or that it’s consuming too much of my life and attention, I give up. And just thinking about the idea of giving up–again–disturbs me beyond articulation.

Of course, I have no desire or intentions of giving up this time; I’ve already made that quite clear. However, I am starting to feel a bit anxious over this whole process. This is mostly due to having to fight so many fires all at once.

I have to keep myself motivated enough to workout regularly and then make sure that I don’t get bored with what I’m doing. Then I have to make sure I’m counting the calories correctly and ensure that my portion sizes are accurate.

On top of that, I constantly have to monitor my emotions and do whatever it takes to combat stress because stress almost always leads me to binge. And of course, binge eating is what caused me to gain all of this weight in the first place.

Ultimately, my fear of triggering a binge (and basically derailing this entire process in one fell swoop) is why my diet isn’t as clean as it could be. If you’ve seen some of my daily food entries and wondered why I would leave items such as cookies or ice cream in my diet, it is because I desperately need to safeguard against feeling too restricted or deprived.

Please believe me when I say that I do not intend to continue to eat junk food on a regular basis throughout this journey. However, for the time being, it’s going to be necessary to avoid creating a lot of rules regarding food.

For me, keeping my calories in check on a consistent is the main goal all day long. If I don’t do anything else correctly, that’s the one thing I have to keep on top of. After that, it’s all about binge prevention. I’ve had issues with bingeing for… well over a decade, so finally putting a stop to it is paramount to losing weight and keeping it off for good. As for working out and eating super healthy, that’s just icing on the cake.

That brings me back to the kiwi situation.

I ended up short on calories for the day because I didn’t feel up to cooking or eating yet another salad. As much as I love salad and often crave it, I simply didn’t want one today. Instead, I had a taste for a burger.

Of course, burgers are by no means low in calories, so I was like, “No, I can’t have a burger.” But on the flip side, I know my personality. If I want something badly enough, I’m not going to stop wanting it. Besides, I’m not big into burgers and fast food anyway, so I figured my body actually needed something in the beef if I was actually craving it.

Long story short, I basically ended up not eating all day (except for having a cup of cocoa in the morning) just so I could have a burger this afternoon. By the time I was able to eat, I was a little concerned that I would want to cheat and go over my calorie allowance…

Buuuut I didn’t.

I actually only ate half of the burger due to opting to get onion rings as well, so that left me with a few hundred calories left for the day. I won’t lie–the food was really good. Was it worth waiting all day for half a burger and some onion rings? Not really, but I know I won’t crave either of these things for quite awhile now.

Potential binge averted. Mission accomplished.

The thing is, the burger didn’t keep me satisfied long at all. At first, I was really full. There was no way in the world that I would get hungry again or want to eat for the remainder of the day. Or so I thought. I don’t think it was an hour later that I started to feel hungry yet again. That’s what I get for eating a bunch of empty calories.

Anyway, since I didn’t have many calories left and I’m in desperate need of a kitchen restocking, I turned to my kiwis. You know, the kiwis whose skin was utterly repulsive?! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Boy, was I scammed.

Well, that’s pretty much all for today. I’ve decided that I will workout after all. I will probably catch one of the most recent recordings of my little dance fitness class (as long as it is one of the night classes and NOT one of the morning ones). Tune in tomorrow to see how that works out for me!

Today was Day 8.

Never trust the Internet. ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿฝโ€๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ˜…


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Featured Photo Credit: Pixabay via Pexels

Gifs from Giphy

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